Holiday Food Stress Stuff: Coping Tips from @diaryofanhonestmom Libby Ward

Libby Ward (12m 21s):

It drove me to the brink of insanity because he wasn't eating enough, which also meant he wasn't sleeping enough and he didn't sleep for more than two hours at a time for I would say nine months and So I was sleep deprived. I became extremely depressed and that manifested as rage and I was a shell of a human being with no patience, with no energy and was honestly one of the hardest parts of my parenting journey for four straight years. Because I thought, okay, well if I exclusively pump, that will work. And then he didn't even want the pumped milk.

Libby Ward (13m 2s):

So after three months we thought well let's try formula. And then we tried every bottle and he didn't like it and it made me feel like I wasn't good enough as a mom. And then when we started to introduce solid foods it, I thought it was gonna be our saving grace.

Libby Ward (13m 47s):

And I thought it was like, you know what, maybe he just doesn't know how to suck on a bottle. Maybe there's something wrong with his mouth. Maybe it's X, y, Z. Maybe it hurts his stomach. Like once he has real food it'll get easier. And it didn't, it was still hard. He didn't like to try anything new. And my day revolved around trying desperately to find something that he would actually eat and feeling like a complete failure when it didn't. And So I was sleep deprived. I became extremely depressed and that manifested as rage and I was a shell of a human being with no patience, with no energy

Katie Ferraro (18s):

Hey there. I'm Katie Ferraro, registered dietician, college nutrition professor and mom of seven specializing in baby led weening here on the baby led weening Made Easy podcast I help you strip out all of the noise and nonsense about feeding, leaving you with the confidence and knowledge you need to give your baby a safe start to solid foods using baby led weening Does the thought of sitting at a Holiday dinner with your family and then your baby's also there and your baby just started food and everyone's freaking out that the baby's gonna choke. And I've never seen a baby eat tough food. And why don't you just spoon feed that baby and I spoon fed you and you turned out fine. All of these things and then you know, top it off with like Holiday stress.

Katie Ferraro (1m 1s):

Like does this whole scenario kind of freak you out? If so, according to my friend, today's guest, Libby Ward, you are not alone. Libby is the mom behind the wildly successful Instagram and TikTok accounts. Diary of an honest mom. Libby's a content creator, she's a speaker, she's a mental health advocate with a deep commitment to changing the narrative around motherhood and breaking cycles of trauma. So Libby is hands down, one of my favorite content creators. She will literally have you like laughing and then crying in the same post. But she's all about sharing her personal experiences with motherhood, mental health trauma and cycle breaking, but in a way that's like humorous and relatable when you walk away being like, Ugh, that was a really good piece of information. A good piece of content was really thought provoking that actually had the good fortune to meet Libby in person at a media event earlier this year.

Katie Ferraro (1m 46s):

And I was just blown away by how like relatable she is. And we were talking a lot about food and food stuff. So I just decided to call this episode. Holiday Food. Stress Stuff. I've got some Coping Tips from Libby Ward from Diary of An Honest Mom for you. With no further ado, here's Libby.

Libby Ward (2m 6s):

Thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited.

Katie Ferraro (2m 9s):

This is just kind of a cheap ploy for me to get to talk to you again because I so enjoyed meeting you in person. As you know, I'm a massive fan of your content and I know you're doing a lot of podcasts. I think you have a lot of things to say as we know. But before we get started, can you just give us your background, share a little bit about how you came to play such an interesting role in the parenting and kind of align with social media space, I guess.

Libby Ward (2m 30s):

Yeah, sure. I actually started on TikTok in March, 2020, about a week before the pandemic and everything happened and everything shut down. I was working in a school in a grade seven classroom. I have worked in education for the last 10 years and these kids were doing this weird dance thing and I was like, what are you guys doing? And they were like a TikTok dance. And I was like, what's TikTok? And they were like, oh, it's this app where you, you know, can make dances on the internet and share them. And I was like, you shouldn't be on there. That's dangerous. Like there's bad people on the internet, TikTok is bad and you shouldn't do that. And then a week later it was the pandemic and I was like, I wonder what this TikTok thing actually is. Like I wonder if it is a bad thing.

Libby Ward (3m 10s):

And then I downloaded it and fell in love with the amazing, relatable, educational funny content that was on there. And I started making content just for fun.

Katie Ferraro (3m 21s):

And you weren't even on Instagram first, right? Like you started on TikTok,

Libby Ward (3m 24s):

Right. I mean I had a personal Instagram account where I kept in touch with friends and family, but I didn't know what an influencer.

Katie Ferraro (3m 30s):

Oh, so the old Instagram when you used to be didn't to do that. How cool. Yeah,

Libby Ward (3m 35s):

I didn't follow influencers. I had friends and family like that's all So I joined TikTok and started making like more relatable parenting videos and then it morphed into still being funny but more heartfelt content talking about trauma and mental health and the emotional experiences of motherhood and all of that. And long story short, transitioned over to Instagram and everything blew up and then I said, Hey, maybe this could be my job. And then it was. And that all happened in about a year and a half.

Katie Ferraro (4m 5s):

You were doing TikTok and then you were doing Instagram and now you're doing a lot more than that though. Like beyond social media, what are your aspirations for teaching and educating and helping in the parenting space?

Libby Ward (4m 15s):

So my mission is to validate, inspire, and empower moms. Basically I see a lot of moms struggling in motherhood in various capacities with mental health, with mom, guilt, with comparison, with all the emotions of motherhood, the unrealistic expectations, all of the hard stuff. And I really want to be a voice for mothers and be able to talk about the things that either nobody is talking about or they're not talking about in ways that are actually helpful. So I do a real mixture of funny content that really maybe gets people's attention and is relatable. But then I also like to talk about hard things like setting boundaries and breaking cycles of trauma and all the hard things that make motherhood even harder and the social expectations and society and the system we're mothering in.

Libby Ward (5m 4s):

And So I don't have this really specific niche. If I talk about this one thing, I talk about how both our internal struggles and the external society we're mothering in naked so much harder. And I again like didn't think that my Instagram would grow so much. Like I started posting consistently in January, 2021 and by September I had a hundred thousand followers and I didn't realize how big of a deal that was for a very long time. Because

Katie Ferraro (5m 36s):

You came from TikTok where like it's not that big of a deal.

Libby Ward (5m 39s):

Yeah, but also just because I didn't know the content creator world. And so in September, 2021 when I was like, you know what, I'm not, I was planning to go to get my master's degree and I changed my mind and decided to be a content creator and advocate for mothers, I said, well I'm gonna do this for for a job but I don't want to only do social media. Not that I have anything against influencers or people who only focus on social media, but I really wanted it to become more of a mission to change the narrative on what motherhood is altogether and So that includes a blog that includes being on a lot of podcasts, it includes public speaking. I just released a guided journal for struggling moms who are struggling, whether it's mental health mom, guilt comparison, all those kinds of things.

Libby Ward (6m 24s):

So I'm really expanding my brand and my vision to change the narrative on what motherhood actually is and what it could be and should be as opposed to just making funny videos on the internet. But

Katie Ferraro (6m 35s):

Your videos are funny and I do have to say you strike like the perfect balance in sometimes I'll be watching like one of your reels or TikTok and I'm like literally laughing and like she you guys, she lives in Canada and she was supposed to go to Target with her friend in Buffalo and then there was a massive snowstorm in Buffalo and she couldn't go to Target. And I was like, I was laughing but it this very sad tragic situation and then turn around, I'm like crying at another piece of your content where you're talking about like you know, breaking the cycle of trauma and a lot of the stuff that you've been through personally and what you are trying to do differently and what you're struggling with with your own kids. How do you strike that balance? Like you're so funny on one side but you're talking about like some serious hard, you know what, on the other hand

Libby Ward (7m 13s):

I strike that balance in my own life in general. I mean humor has always been a Coping mechanism for me. I went through a lot as a kid, I have a lot of childhood trauma. I've struggled with my mental health a lot and humor has always been the thing that connects me to other people and helps me to get through. And I'm also a very heartfelt person who thinks very deeply about the world. I think deeply about myself. I've always been someone who's really self-aware and someone who's always thought, why are you like this? Like why do you do the things you do? Why do you feel the things you feel in the way you feel them? And I've always been curious about myself and why I became the way I did and So I really try to translate that to my social media and show that we can be multifaceted human beings.

Libby Ward (7m 57s):

We can be funny and make a joke about something that is a relatable topic in motherhood while also saying, why is that so relatable? Why is that so funny? And what can we do to actually change that thing? And I know for me on social media it can become really overwhelming when you're only following say therapists, professionals, people who are serious and educated and just give you information upon information upon information. And you can think that's easy for you to say You haven't walked in my shoes. That's easy for you to give that piece of advice in setting boundaries. Have you actually been in an enmeshed family with complex trauma? That's easy for you to say. And so for me, I think I have this really unique position of not being a therapist, not being a professional, but having, you know, been addicted to self-help books for 10 years and having gone to a lot of therapy and being an open book.

Libby Ward (8m 47s):

I can take this information that therapists are giving to people that is true and helpful and put it across in a way that is easier to hear, is easier to understand is more digestible. And So, I can take my more serious mission of advocating for mothers and make it more palatable. And then, then on the other token, there are some accounts that are just funny like some mom accounts and I love them. You know, there's parenting accounts that are just hilarious and relatable, but at the end of the day, don don't think that only making jokes about the hard things in parenthood actually can change anything. I wanna be able to to strike that balance.

Katie Ferraro (9m 24s):

And I think people when they watch your content, like especially with TikTok, which is such a great platform for really building community, people get that about you. Like they're not like who's this chick joking about drama? That's definitely not what you're doing. And our audience here, primarily parents and caregivers of babies, six to 12 months, babies are making this transition to solid food. And this can be a stressful time, especially for new parents. And I know personally that your kids are past this stage now, but do you have any memories or experiences that you can share about your own children's transition to solid foods?

Libby Ward (9m 54s):

Yeah, so my kids are six and eight now and my first born, I don't wanna say she was a dream because there was definitely struggles and maybe I look back at it with rose colored glasses compared to my second. But I mean she breastfed pretty quickly. She was that kid that would sleep in the car seat wherever we went. I could breastfeed her at the dinner table at a restaurant, I could breastfeed her in the back of the car, I could breastfeed her wherever I wanted. She would latch easily, it would comfort her. And it made me feel really proud as a mom And from the get-go when I became a parent, I aimed for perfection. And this is something I talk about on my page a lot and I'm working away from perfectionist tendencies now.

Libby Ward (10m 39s):

But at that time I just wanted to do everything right. I wanted to do breastfeeding, right? I wanted to focus on our attachment, right? I wanted to socialize her right? I wanted to do everything the right way and So I put a lot of energy into it. I had really high standards. I did a lot of research and I really approached, let's say feeding in a playful way as well. So when it came time to transition her to more solid foods, I looked at all the different options and we landed on baby led Weaning. That's what my friends were doing. And it was fun because she ate the things that I offered her or she didn't. And my mental health was in a space where it was like, okay, we'll try again tomorrow, okay we'll try a new strategy.

Libby Ward (11m 24s):

And so we approached it with this curiosity and with connection and with time and patience and you know we have seen the fruits of that for many years and how she is so interested in trying different things and trying new things and I loved it and it made me feel good about myself.

Katie Ferraro (11m 42s):

And I feel like there's a hook coming here where something dun dun dun dramatically changes with the second

Libby Ward (11m 47s):

Game. Oh yeah. Like I just plummeted into a hole of self-pity because when he was born two years later, he didn't like breastfeeding, he wouldn't latch when he did, he would scream and cry and come off and you know, we would go to see occupational therapists and we'd go to see the doctor, we'd go to see all kinds of different people and they would just tell me he's a fussy baby. And somebody else would say, oh he has a tongue tie, we'll cut it. And then a different person was like, oh no, they cut the wrong tongue tie, we'll cut it again. And long story short, breastfeeding didn't work and I decided to pump after a month and I exclusively pumped for three months while trying to take care of a toddler. And it drove me to the brink of insanity because he wasn't eating enough, which also meant he wasn't sleeping enough and he didn't sleep for more than two hours at a time for I would say nine months.

Libby Ward (12m 32s):

And So I was sleep deprived. I became extremely depressed and that manifested as rage and I was a shell of a human being with no patience, with no energy, with no curiosity, with nothing. I just wanted to survive until the next day. And feeding became such a source of stress and was honestly one of the hardest parts of my parenting journey for four straight years. Because I thought, okay, well if I exclusively pump, that will work. And then he didn't even want the pumped milk. So after three months we thought well let's try formula. And then we tried every bottle and he didn't like it and it made me feel like I wasn't good enough as a mom because when you're a mom of a baby, your main job is to nourish them and to make sure they get enough rest and sleep and make sure they're healthy.

Libby Ward (13m 21s):

Like there's only so much you can do. And so my value as a mother was completely stripped of me. Cause I was like I can't feed my baby. My baby's not sleeping, I can't comfort my baby. My first baby, if she was crying I could breastfeed her and that would calm her. And I felt like I couldn't feed him, he wouldn't sleep, I couldn't calm him. It was absolutely awful. And then when we started to introduce solid foods it, I thought it was gonna be our saving grace. And I thought it was like, you know what, maybe he just doesn't know how to suck on a bottle. Maybe there's something wrong with his mouth. Maybe it's X, Y, Z. Maybe it hurts his stomach. Like once he has real food it'll get easier. And it didn't, it was still hard. He didn't like to try anything new.

Libby Ward (14m 3s):

And my day revolved around trying desperately to find something that he would actually eat and feeling like a complete failure when it didn't. Especially when I'm, I'm already sleep deprived, I'm already struggling with my mental health, I already don't have the time or the energy or any of that and then I'm trying all these methods to get him to eat real food and he's still not eating it and I think you know, he's going to be malnutrition and it's gonna be my fault but I'm putting all this energy in and it honestly made me feel like a failure. And if you asked me how he ended up eating solid foods, I actually can't remember, I think of that year of my life as trauma because I can't remember what happened.

Libby Ward (14m 43s):

I went to so many doctors who couldn't help us and he, my son, I mean he ate enough to stay alive but I can't remember what his first food ended up being. I can't remember what his favorite things were cuz I was just literally surviving from day to day. And so my heart just goes out to any parent who is struggling to feed their child because it can absolutely wreck you. Hey

Katie Ferraro (15m 6s):

We're gonna take a quick break but I'll be right back And I loved what you said about we know every baby is different, your first child, you said it right there.

Katie Ferraro (16m 24s):

I was in a really good mental health space emotionally I was all in and I was having fun doing baby-led reading. And I know there's moms who are listening like roll their eyes cuz they're like struggling so hard. And then you transition into like this all of the other things that were happening with your second child and not to downplay like having the toddler is like on top of everything else so hard because now you're in charge of twice as many people and then taking care of yourself becomes less of a priority. At which point you acknowledge like wow that was all part and parcel of the way I dealt with that. Do you, how much of the issues with your second child do you think were actually like this child I cannot feed or me as a mom I'm in a space where I'm not equipped to deal with what may or may not be a major problem.

Katie Ferraro (17m 5s):

Like that's really frustrating to not know if something's wrong. Is it me that's wrong, the mom or is the baby wrong? Like how did you deal with that?

Libby Ward (17m 11s):

I mean it's a chicken before the egg thing, he absolutely had issues eating, like eating for him, drinking milk, drinking from a bottle, drinking from a breast was painful for him. What I believe happened was that he had such negative experiences with eating in general that by the time it came time to eat solid food, his brain already said things going in our mouth and down our throat is not something we enjoy. So even if it was a flavor he liked or even if it was presented in a certain way, his brain was just going alert, alert, we don't like eating. Like this is not an enjoyable experience for us. And by the time that came I was worse.

Libby Ward (17m 52s):

Like I didn't go into having a second child already being stressed already being maxed out, like I was ready. I felt like I was ready just like I was the first time. But the compounded sleep deprivation that made me feel like a shell of a human definitely impacted my patients and my energy and all those things. But I also don't believe that any amount of patients or energy or more mental health would have made him eat in those first six months. Like

Katie Ferraro (18m 19s):

Did you seek feeding therapy for him? Because a lot of what you're describing

Libby Ward (18m 22s):

Is like didn get to an occupational therapist flew three and a half, we were on,

Katie Ferraro (18m 25s):

Oh my god no

Libby Ward (18m 26s):

Wait list for three and a half years until he got help.

Katie Ferraro (18m 29s):

Oh it's because you live in Canada. I mean I'm not passing judgment like I just realized like here it's hard to get to a feeding therapist but it's not like three and a half years,

Libby Ward (18m 37s):

Right? Right.

Katie Ferraro (18m 38s):

So you never really got a like feeding therapy diagnosis in infancy because you weren't even able to see a feeding therapist during the crucial period. Oh awesome. So now you're dealing with it by yourself.

Libby Ward (18m 45s):

He's fine. And then I honestly like I'd go to the doctor, they'd be like, he's not underweight. And I'd be like, that's probably because I'm force feeding him like I, and the shame, like the shame that I not, I'm not force feeding him but probably doing things that you recommend people don't do. Like I got to a point where I was just like literally nothing I'm doing is working. If this child doesn't get food in his mouth, he will not be alive. And so, you know, I probably introduced more sweet things earlier than I should because he did like he was just losing weight and then no, nobody was able to help me. And so my advice to people would also be like push and advocate harder for support.

Libby Ward (19m 26s):

I mean he ended up having a speech condition which I had to advocate really hard for and I think that was connected to his inability to use his mouth. But again I had to advocate for nearly a year and a half before he saw someone. So looking back I'm like I definitely needed to see a food therapist. I definitely needed to get more support but that support wasn't easily accessible or easily, like I didn't even know what professionals there were out there to help me, you know? And it wasn't like, I mean this was, we're talking six years ago and So I mean social media was there, the internet was there but it's not the same as it is now where we can log on to Instagram or log on to different places and say oh these are different people that I can reach out to for help.

Katie Ferraro (20m 10s):

Or just even learn like who the professionals are. Cuz you did say something like some, you know, sometimes you do follow counselors, like all professionals, you're like oh my god it's a little dry. But like at the end of the day, like if you're credentialed in a particular area of feeding for children that have chewing and swallowing issues like that could have helped you at a time when you really need it. I'm glad you know about it now and of course you can advocate and and part of it is sharing information. And, there really are powerful ways that social media can help us in that regard. That you're right weren't around even just, you know, six, eight years

Libby Ward (20m 37s):

Ago. Well and all it takes is a couple professionals to shrug you off and say it's not good point real as you think it is for you to think, well maybe I am the the problem. Well maybe it is me. Like maybe everything is fine. And when your mental health is so low and you're so sleep deprived and you have no energy and no support, you only have so much gumption to fight. Absolutely. You so much gumption to research to call another doctor, to call another person. When you feel so defeated and every single person you've talked to has said you're making a bigger deal of this than it actually is, you start to feel crazy like what am I like, am I crazy?

Katie Ferraro (21m 16s):

You are not crazy. But especially I I, not to get into discussion about like healthcare systems, but I know we have a lot of moms that are in Canada with regards of food allergy stuff when they're like, is this really a food allergy reaction or not? And they'll be in my programs like, you know this, the information in this program is in no way intended to replace that of your primary care practitioner. And they'll be like, you know, I can't even get in to see my primary and then I can't even get a referral for a pediatric allergist until literally my kid is not a child anymore. So I do need help right now because I don't know if this or is not true food allergy and what should I be doing? The access issue, it becomes such a problem,

Libby Ward (21m 49s):

Right? And I mean in Canada the healthcare issue is that we cannot get into people when we need to and then when we do, we don't have AdChoices, we just go to whoever we're referred to. And the issue in the states is that unless you're a person of privilege who works for a company who has, you know, in insurance programs and you can afford insurance, you also don't have the same access and So, it becomes a thing of like where you live, where you work, what you have access to. Like it's so unequal. I feel like across the board, like when I make content for moms, even about all the topics I make them about, it's so hard because it's like each person consuming this content is in a completely different context to the next person with a different level of support, different mental health, different like circles of influence, all that kind of stuff.

Libby Ward (22m 37s):

And it, and it makes a difference when you're, you're thrown into motherhood or you become a mother and you're trying to feed your baby and this mother has access to these people or this information and this one doesn't.

Katie Ferraro (22m 50s):

So Libby our parents a lot of times will get pushback for their decision to do baby led Weaning. And I hate to say that baby led Weaning is but kind of for lack of a better word, a controversial choice in some families. And parents will hear things from their own parents or in-laws or other people in their communities will say things like, well you are spoonfed and you turned out okay, or that baby just needs a pouch or you just need to be spoon feeding that baby purees. What advice do you have for families who are getting pressure from others about their decision to do baby led Weaning?

Libby Ward (23m 17s):

So first of all, I hate the term you turned out and you turned out okay, blah blah blah blah

Katie Ferraro (23m 22s):

Blah. And every specialty has it, don't we?

Libby Ward (23m 24s):

Right? And it's like, my question is what does that even mean? Like what does our measure of okay, is it alive, is it well, is it healthy? Is it functioning? And this applies to the feeding world and it applies to literally any other topic we want to talk about in parenthood. It's like okay, just because I am am alive and here having a conversation with you, it doesn't mean that I turned out okay. Like what other negative impacts did these decisions have on my long-term relationship with food, my long-term health, my relationship with you, my trust with you as a parent, as a caregiver, as someone who is supposed to nurture me.

Libby Ward (24m 6s):

And so when people say you turned out okay, it's like hmm, but what does that actually mean? And it feels a bit like a cop out. And I do think it comes from a place of insecurity When I hear people say things like that, I think when we feel secure in our own choices, we don't feel the need to be defensive about them or upset about other people doing things differently. Especially when it's not causing anyone harm. Like I feel confident in my choices. So when you make a different choice, that doesn't bother me. But when we're unsure, when we're insecure, that's when you hear these comments. So I saw that, I forget where I saw this, it was a TED talk somewhere and the guy was talking to the audience and he was like, he pointed to someone with like brown hair and he was like, I hate your green hair, it's the worst.

Libby Ward (24m 49s):

He was like, how did that make you feel? And the guy was like, it didn't bother me. He was like, that's right because you don't have green hair, it doesn't bother you because you're confident that your hair is brown. Like why would you care that someone thinks it's green like that someone has an opinion about it. And it's the same thing with our choices with feeding or anything else in parenting. It's like if you have confidence in what you're doing and you know what you're doing is right, you don't feel the need to explain yourself to anybody else and you don't feel the need to justify it or anything like that. Now it becomes harder when we don't have confidence. Like I think back to myself and the struggles that I had, it's like oftentimes we don't have confidence in what we're doing because we're just trying to figure it out as we go along as well. And so in those situations I would say number one, surround yourself with like-minded people, people who are on this same journey as you.

Libby Ward (25m 35s):

You know, ingest, not ingest but you know like consume content and media and reading and podcasts and things that are like-minded with you. And when I, when you get comments like this say from family or people you can't escape, I just take it as a piece of information. I made a reel about this the other day. When people say things that are ignorant, when people say things that don't align with your value system or make a judgment on your parenting or invalidate your experience, you just take it as a piece of information and you tuck it in your pocket So that next time you want to share about a struggle or next time they want to give you their opinion on your parenting.

Libby Ward (26m 15s):

You remember that piece of information that they are not someone that you can trust to respect your values or respect your boundaries and and you don't share with them and you don't need to justify yourself to them. I know like when I became a mom I felt like I needed to impress everyone around me but everyone around me has a different opinion of what the right thing is. So, I had to get really honest about what was actually important to me. Like what is the most important thing to me. Cuz otherwise you're just looking to everybody else for validation and you're never gonna make everyone happy.

Katie Ferraro (26m 47s):

And I like that you said your family or people that you can't get away from. Which kind of is a good segue to my next question which is the holidays cuz it's like full of people that you cannot get away from for the most part. But like for whatever reason that intersection at the holidays between food and family can really hit new parents hard. So as we're heading in at the time that this will be live, we're gonna be going to the holidays And a lot of parents, it's hard because it's the first time that someone who wasn't the primary caregiver will see that baby eating real food and they maybe never have seen a baby eat Turkey or feed themselves and they don't know how to react. And they'll say things that again comes from a place of insecurity. And so any advice for Coping with that Holiday specific stress?

Katie Ferraro (27m 27s):

Maybe it's the same that you do for the rest of the year. I don't know if you have any special Tips cuz it's a little bit more, I would say intense during the holidays.

Libby Ward (27m 34s):

Oh it's super intense and you can't get away from them, right? You're sitting possibly at a dinner table, you're gonna be sat there for the next hour or for for however long and you get to be the recipient of people's comments no matter how secure you feel and the choices that you're making. What I have learned over the years with any of the boundaries that I've had to set is that less is more. I used to be someone who felt the need to explain myself and explain my choices to people, whether they asked or not, if they made a comment or if I thought their comment was judgemental or if I thought they needed it to be explained to them, I would just over-explain So that I could get their approval or So that I could make them understand.

Libby Ward (28m 16s):

And I'm now at a point where I can just say something clearly and kindly, oh this is how we're choosing, this is how we're choosing to feed our baby. It's working for us.

Katie Ferraro (28m 28s):

Hey, we're gonna take a quick break but I'll be right back.

Katie Ferraro (29m 50s):

I love that. And I think the less is more. I don't know where my, my quadruplets are six right now. They're in first grade and you know, they come home with these sometimes like different language. I'm like, where'd you learn that? And they're all about, in my opinion right now, like they'll say something kind of mean and I'll look at 'em and they'll be like in my opinion and I'm like, you know what? Actually there's some value in that. Like it's definitely a cop out and you're still not allowed to say mean things. But like the whole lesson is more is like if you can just internalize, well that's your opinion next. Like I found it's helped me kind because I'm, I have a tendency to do the overexplaining thing to you. No, there's all this research behind baby led Weaning and let me show you this paper and babies will not show and and it's like, well if you've decided that you're not going to follow this route, that's totally fine for you. And if in your opinion you think it's unsafe, that's great,

Libby Ward (30m 30s):

Right? And it might come from another mom or it might come from a grandmother and or

Katie Ferraro (30m 36s):

A pediatrician, which is a huge problem in our space. They'll say things like, oh baby led Weaning is not safe. And then they're the ones I'm like, no, let me show you the data, the research. Cuz you really cannot be discounting an entirely evidence-based way of feeding infants by saying things like it's unsafe because that's actually categorically untrue, untrue So I do sometimes, especially in the professional space when right, yeah, exactly

Libby Ward (30m 56s):

Audience, right? Like whether it's another mom, whether it's a grandma, whether it's a professional who you are, what your capacity is. I mean I think about myself outside of the feeding space. You know, when people question why I do what I do, I have to take, okay, is this person's opinion of me? Does it actually matter? Does this person's opinion have any weight in my life? Does it matter if I change this person's opinion, do I have the capacity to do it? And all of those things come into play. So if it's a professional, if it's a pediatrician and showing them the data and explaining it is gonna help and you have the energy and the capacity and the information to do that, all the power to you. If it's just grandma sitting like two people down and she's saying, well we did this and it worked out fine, you can say that's so good for you grandma.

Libby Ward (31m 43s):

This is how we're choosing to do it. If you want, I can let you know how it goes in a few whatever. Or like, thanks grandma, this is how we're choosing to do it done. Or like if it's another mom being like, oh I've never heard of that. This is how my accessor et cetera told me to do it. You can say, oh yeah like I've been learning from X, Y, Z. Do you want to hear about it? Cuz sometimes people are in a place where they do wanna hear and sometimes they're not. And So I used to be someone who would just get on my soapbox about anything I felt passionate about. But I now I'm at this place where I'm like, we're all human beings. Sometimes you know, your in, your mother-in-law is saying it cuz she's triggered sometimes another mom is saying something cuz she's uninformed. Like we, like you just really have to take in your audience and be like, do I have the energy for this conversation?

Libby Ward (32m 26s):

And does it actually matter? Like, or can I, I

Katie Ferraro (32m 28s):

Think that's So important, especially some with like massive audiences in the work that you do, you're still having these micro interactions at the family dinner table. And when you talk about the audience really matters, especially mentioning in-laws grandparents, there's a grandma who's just gonna show up for Christmas and poo poo whatever you're doing. And that's fine. There's a whole other set of parents who rely on the grandparents to help with feeding and they have to be allies and partners with them. And that audience is different because if you're gonna be helping me feed my baby, this is how we've decided to do it. Let me show you how we do it. Can I teach you about this? Can you take this course with me? Can we both do an infant refresher c p R course So that in the event that the baby chokes, we know what to do. Like the audience is so different. You can't just say grandparents because that, but that varies wildly and and same with partners and siblings and and older siblings in the family,

Libby Ward (33m 15s):

Right? I mean it could, you know when I'm saying grandparent, I'm thinking like 95 year old like great grandma, right? Like who you see once a year. But there are those people who are there interacting with your child on a regular basis. And I have a friend who she sends her toddler to her mother at like multiple times a week to be cared for. And the grandmother of this child just feeds him garbage constantly. And it creates such friction because then she then has to make up for things when he comes home and it's teaching these bad habits, all the things, right? All the things that come from caregivers not respecting the boundary of the primary caregiver. And it's like that person matters.

Libby Ward (33m 55s):

You know, if you're doing baby led Weaning, that person matters to explain all the things to, so when people are questioning your choice, you, we can't just give a blanket answer to everybody. Just like when I have a troll on my page saying blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, about me and my life and my parenting. I'm not gonna respond to them the same way I would respond if my partner came to me and said, this thing you posted hurt me. Like comp. Those are completely different situations and require a completely different set of energy.

Katie Ferraro (34m 24s):

Dude, you know what I always been wanting to ask you? What does your mom and your mother-in-law think of your content? Like I, I think I saw your mother-in-law in a reel the other day. I'm like, dude, that's cool. But like, do they watch it? Do they comment? Do they have thoughts about your thoughts?

Libby Ward (34m 36s):

Yeah, so my mom doesn't really have social media. She kind of knows what I do, but not the full extent of it. And my mother-in-law, she lives in England, she watches my content, she loves it. She thinks it's, she thinks it's great and she always wants to be in my TikTok whenever she So I like let's make TikTok. I'm like, okay.

Katie Ferraro (34m 54s):

Also, what I think is really unique about y'all tell you two things is that as a fellow content creator, you see Steph is sometimes like especially branded content, we were like, oh my gosh, this is so nauseating, I wanna die. Your branded content is amazing. I know that the brands that you work with are only, they're few and far between in brands that you really believe in, but you have such a good way of doing branded content. I'm like, I'm gonna see how she's gonna make this thing work in a real, I'm like, oh my god, she did it. So, I, love that. I also love that you're in the parenting space. I remember the first time we met in person, I'm like, dude, how do you deal with it with your kids and all your stuff? And you're like, my kids' faces are never in my stuff. And, there was like, you know, there's some influencers, you're like, my kids' faces aren't in my stuff, but they're kids and everything. There's just like a big like X over their face. Your kids' faces aren't in their stuff, but like occasionally I'll see like the back of one of your kids' heads.

Katie Ferraro (35m 35s):

But I think it's really interesting that you're creating so much parenting content without your own kids in this space, which is, it's not about your particular kids, it's about your audience. And that's what I love about your

Libby Ward (35m 43s):

Work. Thank you. Thanks. I made the decision a long time ago not to put their faces in it and it was way before anything blew up. And I'm so grateful that I didn't, because like me alone, just say being a public figure now, being recognized when we go out is a toll in of itself. I can't imagine if my kids were getting recognized everywhere we go and how that would impact them.

Katie Ferraro (36m 4s):

It's so weird. And it's funny for a lot of us, like a lot of our stuff flew up during the pandemic too. You didn't go anywhere. And then when we started going out, I'm like, oh shoot, real people know who you are. Like it is kind of strange, Andy.

Libby Ward (36m 14s):

Oh, it's a whole thing. So yeah, it is interesting not showing my kids it's hard sometimes I really want to, but I'm, I'm glad that I don't.

Katie Ferraro (36m 21s):

So Libby, tell us where can our audience go to learn more about your work and follow you and everything that you do?

Libby Ward (36m 26s):

Well, you can find me on TikTok and Instagram at Diary of Anonymous Mom, and same with my website. And you can find my journal on Amazon. It's called The Honest Mom Journal, the struggling mom s guide to struggling less. That's great.

Katie Ferraro (36m 39s):

Thank you so much for coming on. This has been such an awesome conversation.

Libby Ward (36m 42s):

Thanks for having me.

Katie Ferraro (36m 43s):

Well, I hope you guys enjoyed that interview with Libby Ward. She's on Instagram and TikTok at Diary of an Honest Mom. I also just checked out her journal that she was telling me about. I didn't even know that she had the journal and it looks pretty cool. So. I'm gonna put a link to all of Libby's resources, including her journal for Struggling Moms. That'll be on the show notes page for this episode, which you can find at BLW podcast.com/ 2 92. And a special thank to our network partners at AirWave Media. If you guys like podcasts about food and science and using your brain, AirWave Media has some awesome audio experiences, check out some of their podcasts. And if you're looking for more information about baby led weening, our home on the internet for this podcast is at BLW podcast.com.

Katie Ferraro (37m 25s):

Thanks so much for listening and I'll see you later.